There was an old lady on the bus today. The wrinkles went as furrows down her face and just like every other old lady in this town she wore a Basque on head. A pink one. It could defiantly stand out in a crowd. And the fact that she was crying didn’t help her blend in. Slowly a teardrop exited her eye and made its way down her face before it got wiped away from her face by her mitten-covered hand. But it didn’t take many milliseconds before it was replaced by its successor. The old lady didn’t care to wipe away her tears anymore and soon her whole face was soaked. Drenched in whatever sorrows she carried in her heart. And even though I didn’t have any relation whatsoever, I felt compelled to go over and sit next to her. And maybe, in some way, make her feel as if the world wasn’t all bad and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though I didn’t quite believe it myself.

But, my social programming stopped me. Would I want someone to intrude on my private crying session even if it was on a bus? Probably not. I wasn’t able to make eye contact with her and I didn’t have any positive quotes on cute little papers to slip her. It probably wouldn’t have helped her anyway, but at least I would have done something. Just something…

Instead I followed along with the rest of the passengers and looked the other way.

And I look the other way - Tom’s diner, Suzanne Vega

Sometimes reality sneaks up in us. This weekend it snuck up on me.

See I used to have this friend. We got to know eachother one late summer night when we held hands and during the fall friend-love grew into love-love. But we never got further than that and there never was any closure.

When he was dating a friend of mine this summer. I could see my own past play before my eyes. Hearing it from someone else, listening to someone else’s experience and happiness. That was hard, really hard. In the end they didn’t make it, for reasons I wont lift here. But he moved on, he moved on fast and he moved on to another girl I know.

Now every time I see him, I have to see them together. And every time I see her, she reminds me of him.

I just miss the way I used to be able to talk to him…

She who dares to stand where I stood.

- Missy Higgins

I had a summer filled with church camp, leader feelings, solidarity, stolen forbidden walks during the night, office job, not at all lonely nights, weird dreams,a cold dip in the sea, way too much alcohol, a crowded waterbed, a forced trip with forced smiles, a lot of train riding, the worlds sweetest welcoming, a new home, a new room, new knowledge, new opportunities, fear, friends, stupid thoughts and actions that sort of came with into the fall that also had some surprise, a cozy but guiltfull welcoming, a hospital visit, driving training, discussion, a weird gut feeling, new teachers, a new church, cozy drowsiness, biting of the ear, festival, jealousy, a hard conversation from parent to child, chocolate in quantities, a hard goodbye, another goodbye, the first skype call, thoughts about scripts, inversion of classes, abstinence feelings, ice cream in the tub, math hate, a fight with mom, the sharing of a secret, fighting with teachers, dinner with a grandma, a education weekend, jealousy, wanting, swimming in a lake, sauna, new people, high soprano vocals, ugly facebook tags and all the things included in going back to work.

School is about to bring out the big guns, we’ve been in classes for almost a month now* and soon we’re going to be bombarded with tests and projects and stuff. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t need the prefect grades, I just need to do my best and at least try to have fun while I’m at it. That’s my plan anyways…

*Feels like a whole lot less, and more for that matter.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me

- This year, the Moutain Goats

K just texted me something along the lines with ‘hey are you mad at me or something?’ Yes, I’m mad at him. The id inside me wants to rage at him and make him feel badly about what happened. But I wont, because the more of his texts I’ve read tonight the more I remember how nice he is and all the fun times we had together. MEOW, a part of me is sick of playing social games. But the other part, the part that’s in control, is right now texting him a light, breezy and fun text about how not at all moved I am by the situation.

Your life is complicated too

But you know just what to do

- Hold your head up high, Nomy

All I want to do is crawl under the covers and fall asleep and let everything go and not be who I am anymore. I actually really don’t feel like explaining anything this time.

Mom won’t stop complaining. Please just let me live MY life, MY way. You can’t control me forever mom. I am bigger than I used to be, save your “words of wisdom” for a time when it’s actually relevant.

I want to go back to what it used to be, when I could do it but no one knew.

I can’t… and everyone knows.

Sophie’s tryin’ to make herself thinner

Says she’s eatin’ too much

- Sophie, Eleanor Mcevoy